Thursday, March 31, 2011

Settling In

I’ll be honest with you…..I moved to Texas to prove a point to myself and to make sure C and I gave ourselves a fair shot. I love him, no doubt, but I also know that the reality of our relationship is we dated long distance for 3.5 years. I have been in Abilene for 27 days, and we have already exceeded our previous record for how long we have been consecutively in the same place at the same time lol. So going into this huge life change, I knew that it was a bit of a crapshoot.

I got here, and I was so excited to see him, but I was still dealing with the really heavy emotions of being away from home. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be happy here, because I really wanted to be at home. If things fell apart, then I didn’t really have to blame myself for it…….I could just blame “life”. The first two weeks here felt like a constant back and forth in my head, and I had to convince myself to separate my feelings for C from my feelings for home.

I am very happy to say that I feel like C and I are finally settling into life. We see each other most days, either for lunch or after work, but we don’t see each other EVERY day. We both still enjoy our free time, so we spend time chilling out apart. But we also spend a lot of time together. We go shopping at Lowe’s, we go get dinner, we cook dinner, we drive around a lot, we went and played miniature golf with friends the other night. We don’t NEED to spend every minute together, because we aren’t on weekend time frames anymore. It’s a really odd experience, and yet somehow, it already feels normal.

Day by day, I am really feeling more comfortable in Abilene, and my boy’s constant support has made this possible for me. Now don’t get me wrong……I still am a Marylander, and I get warm and fuzzies whenever anyone asks where I am from or realizes I am not from Texas. So my hometown loves, I haven’t forgotten you and I never could J But I hope you all are smiling for me, as I come out the other side of this incredible transition.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Don't you just love being appreciated?

I came to Texas REALLY nervous about this new job.

I got a huge promotion.....I am not even 2 years post-grad and I have worked my way up to being the General Manager of an apartment complex. Pretty good, if I do say so myself.

But that doesn't mean I wasn't REALLY nervous about taking on this job. I know I KNOW how to do it, but it's a LOT of responsibility, and I was used to being 2nd in command, not first. 2nd in command can pawn off a lot of stuff. And the nerves were reasonable, but I learned something new too....

Being here for the last 3 weeks has reminded me that I like being in charge. I love being in charge. I love being able to make decisions and have people listen to me. I love being able to delegate tasks. I love when people come to me for answers (I love it even more when I know the answer :P). I am meant to be in charge.

And today I was reminded that I am good at it. I am the GM, and right below me I have my Sales Manager and Maintenance Manager. I really like both of them, and I think we are a great team. They bring a lot to the table. But the SM started in October and hasn't had any good leadership in this position. Today was day 3 of an action packed week in which I have been focused on getting things done. Evictions, damage issues, staff morale issues, etc. After coming back from dealing with one of these issues, the SM plops down in my office and says "I don't know if I have told you this, but I am so glad you are here."

In fact, she has said it before, but she said it with such enthusiasm today. I really felt like I was making a positive impact on the staff and the community. I am going to have to play hardball, and I am excited for it! There are a lot of changes I want to implement, and most of them are really just going back to the company standard of doing things. I am ready to really make my mark on this place.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Thank you, Mom and Dad.

Dear Mom and Dad,

Among the countless things I have to thank you for in my life, I would like to take this blog post to say thank you for one in particular.

Thank you for letting me stand on my own two feet. Thank you for teaching me everything you did, and then letting me have a chance to use it. Thank you for always being at the ready to go to bat for me, but spending more time teaching me how to defend myself.

Thank you for NEVER coming into my workplace and taking on my boss for me, even when I was 16. I think, because of all the things you taught me about being an employee, I managed to become the boss. If it weren't for all the things you taught me about being a professional, I wouldn't know how to handle situations and I wouldn't know how to manage people at my age.

I encountered a father and daughter pair today, and I won't go into detail, but I was reminded that I am SO SO SO grateful for my parents and the way they raised me. In the moment, I wasn't always so thankful. But looking back, I can't even put in to words how lucky I am that my parents always made me fight my own battles, knowing they were standing behind me supporting me.

Friday, March 25, 2011

My new theme song


Take a look see at my current theme song :) I have been watching this clip a lot over the last few days.

First, I will say......I LOVE Sex and the City. I watched both movies last weekend, and caught an episode on tv, and it makes me want to go out and buy the entire series right now. 

And for fictional characters, I really admire the SATC ladies. I think they are pretty incredible women. So when i saw the 2nd movie and saw this scene, I was hooked.

Whenever I am having a tough time, these lyrics just shoot into my head...."I am woman, hear me roar". I have sent the lyrics to girl friends who are going through a tough time. I have posted the lyrics as my facebook status. And now it is an entire blog post.

I think it's important, especially for my mili SOs out there reading this, to remember we ARE strong......even when I didn't feel that way, I tried to remember this song and even be a bit inspired by Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and even Samantha.

I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back an' pretend
'cause I've heard it all before
And I've been down there on the floor
No one's ever gonna keep me down again

Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman

You can bend but never break me
'cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul


I am woman watch me grow
See me standing toe to toe
As I spread my lovin' arms across the land
But I'm still an embryo
With a long long way to go
Until I make my brother understand

Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to I can face anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman
Oh, I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The finished product!

The bathroom is done! And I just have to say, textured walls can go die.

Next project.......painting his bedroom lol.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Toto, I'm not in Maryland anymore....

It became very obvious to me how different Texas really is from Maryland when I first heard about the Rattlesnake Roundup. At first, I thought it was a joke. But when C and I went to a comedy show with some of his friends last Friday night, everyone was talking about it.

Upon Googling "Rattlensake Roundup", we were taken to this website. Once I saw it, it was a given that we would be attending.

So we got up on Saturday morning and trekked out, caravan style, to Sweetwater, TX, about a forty minute drive from Abilene. The event was sprawled out over the distance of a couple football fields, and when we asked where we should head, we were told where the Rattlesnakes were, as well as a Chili Cookoff, carnival rides, and several flea markets.

We headed to the Rattlesnakes first, which was a good idea since we got in when there was not a line. By the time we walked out of the building, the line was several hundred people long. Once inside, we were bombarded with vendors selling their rattlesnake wares. We saw rattlesnake beer koozies, rattlesnake earrings, rattlesnake flip flops, rattlesnake hats, rattlesnake vests, and even a rattlesnake cane! One person was even trying to sell a piece of paper with 3 pictures of rattlesnake bites on it.

I made it out without buying anything (really, what do I want that would not be better if it WASN'T covered in rattlesnake skin). Our friends, however, made all kinds of fun purchases.

After checking out all the stuff, C made a beeline for the first rattlesnake "cage". I don't even know what to call it, was  maybe an 8'x10' enclosure made of what looked like dry wall. The walls were not very high, and the floor was covered in rattlesnakes, with a handler wandering around talking about them. At the next station, we thought we were going to see rattlesnake milking, but I guess none were in the mood to be milked at that point.

The gross highlight of the day was the skinning. I was enthralled, albeit a bit disgusted. People actually PAID to get to skin a rattlesnake.....For a mere $20, you got to skin the snake (with help), get a PICTURE, and keep the skin! Haha I was just in shock, cause I had just finished telling C that you couldn't pay ME to do that.

Toto, I am most certainly not in Maryland anymore.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Checking In

Hi friends.

It has been a little while.

It's been a rough week for me. I can't believe I have only been in Abilene for 11 days. Sometimes it feels like forever. 

I am slowly getting better. It has been a little bit heartbreaking for me. I miss home and my family like there is a huge hole in my heart. 

Collin and I spent all weekend together, and we have been together pretty much since my parents left, with the exception of a few days when he was in Little Rock last week. Today, he did some work at home and I was supposed to unpack and do things in my apartment. I can't say I had THAT much success in my apartment, but I did feel a bit better about just existing. I have had a hard time settling in and unpacking because it feels so final. A huge part of me wants to just go home. A huge part of me can't even fathom living here for good. And a part of me (not huge, but still there) feels like I won't be successful at this.

I am still just focusing on putting one foot in front of the other. But I am hopeful that it will get better every day.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

New In Town

So I have to say, I suck at being new in town.

This transition, thus far, has been really hard. C has been incredible, and my parents were awesome while they were here. Everyone has been really welcoming. The job is a bit overwhelming, but everyone has been so nice.

So what do I have to complain about??

I miss home. I miss home so much that I feel like there is a hole in my chest. I feel like a HUGE piece of me is missing. I miss my friends, I miss my mom, I miss my family. But I am trying to transition, so in a weird way, I feel like I should distance myself because I feel like it will make me hurt more to be reminded that they aren't here.

I am slowly getting there, though. It is hard, and I know it will continue to be hard. And everyone says "Just keep putting one foot in front of the other", but some days I feel like I can't even do that. I will, but I have a really hard time fighting the feeling of not wanting to. I need to figure out how to make my new normal here.

This is not the first time I have felt this way. I suck at change. Epically. EPICALLY. This feeling has happened before, so I am much better now at coping. The first time, C and I had just started dating, and I felt like Pensacola was a million miles away, and I just felt suffocated and hopeless at how something like this would work. I would cry and cry and cry and cry. And then time passed, and we got back into a routine, and I was ok. Then I would visit or he would visit, and I felt like a huge part of me was missing again when I left. The first time I DIDN'T bawl my way through security at the airport was probably 18 months into our relationship. I guess I just didn't realize it would feel the same way getting to be with him and away from home.

Keep me in your thoughts. I will be ok, but I don't feel that way all day every day. I KNOW I have to give it time, but the anxiety and pain I feel in the meantime makes every day feel like it is 50 hours long.

On a positive note, C has been incredible. I guess I thought I would handle this better than I am, and he laughed at me haha. He knows me, he knows how crazy I am, he knows change makes me neurotic and makes me cry all day. So even though I didn't think it would be this bad, he was ready for it. And he isn't going anywhere :)

"A ship in port is safe, but that is not what ships are built for."

Saturday, March 5, 2011

I'm still alive!

Well, #1. I made it to Abilene alive!

#2. I just got the Blogger app on my phone! Thus far, I like it!

#3. I am currently without internet at my apartment, which explains my lack of blogging!

I miss blogging so I will be back soon!