When my Grandma died, my mom and I came across a box of love letters she and my Pop wrote to each other during their first year of marriage, while he was still in the Navy and away from home.
When my Mommom moved into assisted living, the family came across a similar box of love letters that my grandparents wrote to each other during the Korean War and World War II, while my grandfather was away in the Army.
When C and I die, our grandchildren can log into Gmail for our love letters.
I thought about this last night, and it made me laugh. I remember coming across these love letters of my grandparents, and thinking how sweet and romantic it was. We didn't read any of them, but they were so well cared for and preserved.
Snail mail letters were means of communication that young couples, just like us, had during war time when my grandparents were young. Some of my dads siblings were born while my grandfather was away at war. I know military spouses who go through the same thing these days, but I have heard about dads watching on skype while their babies are born, or getting an email immediately after it happened. I never asked my grandmother how long it took my grandfather to know he had another child.
Some of the romance is gone, definitely.....we get the chance to say or type I Love You every day, so we don't tend to have long love letters. But thinking about all of this has made me thankful. I realize that even though I don't get to talk to C nearly as much as I want to, I have almost instant communication with him. I can easily share non-emergency but important-to-me information with him. I can tell him what I ate for dinner, and have it still be relevant when he reads it.
It's the little things in life, like sharing my most recent run times, that get me through this deployment.
Two of my blogging friends (Ashley and Jess) do a post every Friday called Five for Friday. In this post, they list 5 things that they love about their significant other. I'm jumping on board this Friday!
1. I love that you called this morning, even though you have homework to do and only a few hours to sleep.
2. I love that you sent me an anniversary gift from across the world, and remembered not to order it on my Amazon, even though you would have gotten free shipping, because I would have known about it.
3. I love how much faith you have in me and my ability to do anything.
4. I love how smart you are. It's so easy to be proud of you.
5. I love how concerned you are that your poor plant is going to die while you're gone.
As I have mentioned before, I have big aspirations for while C is gone. One of those things is running a 10k, which is 6.2 miles. I have never before in my life run that far. I have actually never run farther than about 3.8 miles, and I am still wondering how I accomplished that.
In January 2010, my dad and I started Couch to 5k. Neither one of us ran….I had never knowingly run a mile, and my dad hadn’t done any running since he got out of the Marines, which happened in the mid 70s.
In late March 2010, we ran our first 5k, slow but steady. After that, I did a terrible job running the Father’s Day 5k in June. I ran the Blazer Dash at my alma mater in memory of Yeardley Love, and my performance was expectedly poor considering I hadn’t trained at all. I also did Race for the Cure with my parents and their friends in October, and I did marginally better than I did for Father’s Day and Blazer Dash, primarily due to the much better weather.
So now that I have several terrible 5ks under my belt in the distant past, it’s time to refocus. I didn’t want to go back to Couch to 5k, since it starts you off running for 30 seconds and then taking a 60 second break, and I am really past that. But I did need to start out with a plan that could take me from the 1-1.5 mile point up to 3 miles and then on to 6 miles (and then on to my planned half marathon, but let’s start with the basics).
(I can’t for the life of me remember where I got this plan, so if it looks familiar to anyone, PLEASE let me know. I looked through my browser history and couldn’t find anything! Sorry for not giving credit where credit is due!)
It may seem silly, running for a mere half mile, but I think starting small will be good for me, and help me get back to basics!
Run 1 was a success on Sunday, and I plan on running the 2nd run on Wednesday! I’ll let you know how it goes J
What did I learn last
week? I am much much stronger than I was giving myself credit for.
What was my greatest
accomplishment over the past week? Surviving the first week without my boy!
Which moment from
last week was the most memorable and why? I’d say the most memorable was on
Thursday night, when C called me for the first time since he got to his base. A
strange number popped up on my phone, and I hoped hoped hoped it was him.
Hearing his voice was pretty amazing.
What’s the #1 thing I
need to accomplish this week? Get back on my running schedule!!
What can I do right now
to make the week less stressful? Decide which nights I am going to run so
that I don’t make excuses or double book myself.
What have I struggled
with in the past that might also affect the upcoming week? I am not the
best at being apart from each other, least of all in a place where I don’t have
any family or my best friends. I have panicked before over things like this,
change and stress, and it’s only week two of the dirty D.
What was last week’s
biggest time sink? What took the most time? Probably work?
Am I carrying any
excess baggage into the week that can be dropped? Nothing I can think of. I
like to drop the extra baggage.
What have I been
avoiding that needs to get done? Evictions.
are still on the table? I still have PLENTY of time left in this deployment
accomplish the goals I specified for the deployment time frame.
Is there anyone I’ve
been meaning to talk to? My dad!
Is there anyone that
deserves a big ‘Thank You’? Everyone in my life, especially the AF lovelies
here, Dani and Shannon for keeping track of me all week, my mom for letting me
know she believes in me, and my boy for making time for me in an incredibly
How can I help
someone else this coming week? I can literally help someone by pursuing
What are my top 3
goals for the next 3 years? Get my masters degree, marry my love, and find
a career field that I am passionate about.
Have any of my recent
actions moved me closer to my goals? Reading career guidance books is going
to help me find a career and determine a masters plan.
What’s the next step
for each goal? Finish the book!
What am I looking
forward to during the upcoming week? Another week down, and being past the
first week of deployment. C getting settled into work so we can have a routine.
What are my fears? Being
What am I most
grateful for? That I have love in my life.
If I knew I only had
one week to live, who would I spend my time with? I would ship C back from
the Middle East and go home to Maryland so I could spend it with those I love the
This activity is
meant to be done every Sunday, to self reflect. I am going to give it a whirl,
to see how much my answers change and if it leads to any good soul searching J
It has been 5 days since C left, and I have subconsciously
given myself a week to get over it.
You would be proud, though. I haven’t wallowed in any typical
ways. I haven’t cried (much) or freaked out or whined (seriously!) about it. I
got out of bed on Monday, went to work, and have been doing it successfully
every day since.
I think I have an advantage, though. 3+ years of dating long
distance means I am used to spending plenty of time without C. It doesn’t make
me miss him less, but it does make it easier to keep moving.
I have emailed a lot with him, since he has internet access and
occasional down time while he is working. I have gotten 3 phone calls since he
left the continental US, as well as one attempt at a skype date, which ended
poorly. I am so happy to hear from him, even if it is emails, and I can tell
that he misses me J
I cried myself to sleep twice, but I think it was more of
being emotional than being distraught that he isn’t here.
Wow, I hope he doesn’t read this, cause it sounds like I don’t
Don’t get me wrong…..I went to his house on Tuesday to do
some things for him, and it made me really sad to know he wasn’t going to be in
there when I went inside. I miss everything about him. I am just keeping it
from being a deep, paralyzing ache.
After this Wallow Week, I am also going to throw myself back
into seeing people and making new friends. And exercising. I think my primary
form of wallowing has been eating complete crap that is totally against WW and
not running. I have big plans to run a 5k with Shannon in October, and I am
falling pathetically short of that 3 miles. I also want to run a 10k before he
comes back, which I can totally do if I just stick to my schedule.
So I guess this is just a little life update. C is safe and
sound, but still keep him and his battle buddies in your prayers! I am also
safe and sound in good ol’ Abilene, which is thankfully cooling off!
Deployment #1 has officially started. Despite C commissioning over 4 years ago, he has taken the path of most resistance during pilot training. A whole lot of hurry up and wait going on. So he has only been in the squadron for 8 months, doing his job and is a Captain and hasn’t deployed yet.
So here we are at the first deployment. We have both been anticipating it for so long, but it was always that fictitious deployment in the future, never to actually reach us. Now that it’s here, I wish I could join the club of “my SO has never deployed” again.
It crossed my mind recently:: what would my life be like if I had found a nice civilian guy from Baltimore and settled down with him. I won’t lie, the image is enticing. I could be settled down in a nice house or apartment in my hometown, with my lifelong friends still hanging out every weekend, seeing my parents whenever I want, travelling my roads and to my places, buying expensive purses instead of plane tickets. But when I see that hypothetical life, a big part is missing……the person I am sharing it with.
I won’t deny that I wish on a regular basis that C and I could live in Maryland, and I could have everything. But the one part of that picture that I can’t take is the part where he is missing. This deployment is going to be a different kind of test for our relationship – the part where we (I) have to decide if we can handle this.
But I don’t have to decide, really, because I decided when I started dating him long distance, and when I defied my parents so I could see him, and a million other ways, culminating in me moving down here. I made my decision when I decided to love him, and a friend recently asked me how I could do it. The simplest most basic answer that I think all of us can understand is that I love him, and not being with him would infinitely harder than being with him ever could be.
I am incredibly proud of him, and despite how much I know I am going to miss him, I know he and all of the aircrew he is working with are doing something awesome and something that this country and I can be proud of.
Everyone keep C and his comrades in your thoughts over the next few months!
When I graduated from college, I rolled right into a great job. I say it was luck, but my dad fights me on that. I do think it was a bit of being in the right place at the right time, combined with my amazing personality and skills :)
I applied for the student position at TPA when I went to sign my lease there, and my old boss, G, happened to mention they were hiring. I kept that job through lots of office staff turnover. So by the time I was set to graduate, I had a lot of seniority in the office and knew how to do just about every job. When the Assistant General Manager quit in August, G held the position until December when I graduated.
But now, after 3+ years in property management, I am not sure that this is where my future lies. My childhood dream was to be a teacher, and my Bachelor's is in Family Studies. So I definitely have varied interests and focuses.
I picked up this book in Books A Million the other day. I read reviews on it, and the reviews are great. Right now, I feel like I don't have any direction......I don't know what I'm passionate about, I don't know what I want to do for the rest of my life....and even just a few years post grad, I am tired of not knowing. I want to find that job that I am passionate about!
I will keep you all informed on how it goes. Hopefully whatever I determine at the end of this book, and any others I read, does not mean I require a lot more school!
Are you doing what you are passionate about? How did you pick your career path?
Time for a 101 in 1001 update! I have about 14 months left of my 1001 days, so still plenty of time to accomplish my goals!
I am officially at 50 books read since starting my 101 in 1001......halfway to my goal of reading 100 books! 26 of those have been read in 2011, and I made a mini goal to read 50 in 2011......so I still have a ways to go! Luckily, C will be deploying soon and I will have nothing to do with my time but read! (I'm just kidding about the reading part, don't feel too sorry for me!)
I went through my 101 list today to see what other items had been completed that I could update on. I am also going to prioritize the things I want to try and accomplish while C is gone.
I have seen 25 of my 52 new movies goal.
I just saved another $31 to my savings account, since it was my goal to save $1 for every completed task, and I stopped at $5 but have completed 36 tasks.
While C is gone, I want to::
Read another 25 books
Complete a 10k
Skydive (since I KNOW he doesn't want to go with me!)
Go wine tasting
Go one week without spending money
Watch another 10 new movies
Adopt a child for the holiday season
Ride a motorcycle (my brother has one now!)
Take a cake decorating class.
I have made progress on my list, but I still have a lot of other things to do! Some I am thinking aren't going to happen, but I am going to do my best to get everything done!
You see, for those high school students like myself, who are extremely rebellious, egging a car is just too mundane.
You have to try something different.
You have to be wild and crazy.
You have to banana a car.
I discovered the art of banana-ing during my senior year of high school. A friend of mine and I had both recently broken up with our boyfriends. I was content with the decision, but she was still a little torn up about it, and neither ex was making life too easy.
So, we decide to do some damage (in the form of not real damage). Along with Shannon and Richard, we headed to the grocery store. But instead of buying eggs……we bought bananas.
I could not tell you WHY we made this decision. We knew we didn’t want to do real damage, which eggs can do. We just wanted to have a little fun, and when searching the produce section, bananas seemed right.
We jumped in the car and headed to Em’s ex’s house. We were TERRIFIED of getting caught so accustomed to rebellious acts that we couldn’t stop giggling and hid in every shadow we could find sauntered confidently to the car. We unpeeled several bananas and smashed them all over Ex #1s car.
With the remaining bananas, we decided to hit Ex #2 (mine). I was SO TERRIFIED that I made Richard and
Emilie do it. They put the banana on top of his antenna and it spiraled down, causing more laughter. I was a block up driving the getaway car. And did I mention that my ex lived on a steep hill, and I drove stick shift? His parents KNEW the sound of my car revving up the street, trying to get moving, so I was SO SURE that they would know I was out there.
In the moment, I was terrified we would get caught. In hindsight, I wish I had photographed these moments for my future (aka NOW) amusement.
We laughed all the way home, and a recent conversation with Richard reminded me of this hilarious moment.
*The next day, my ex had an AIM away message (cool at the time) that indicated he wasn't very happy with the banana on his car :P Emilie's ex smashed mushy banana in her face at their youth group meeting the next morning. We still laugh.
**I would also like to add that 6 years later, I am friends with my ex, and I have never told him this story and have no clue if he reads my blog. Guess I’ll find out! Sorry Dave!